


If you give a witch a werewolf

by LissomTea



Series: Beans On A Hill [1]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Genji Shimada is a Little Shit, HH, Halloween, Halloween I Guess, Hanzo Shimada is Bad at Feelings, Help, Multi, OC, Pumpkin pie, This is DUMB, Werewolves, ha ha werewolves, no beta reader we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27317095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LissomTea/pseuds/LissomTea
Summary: Colton and Jesse decide to plan the best Halloween party for Hanzo he's had yet. 'Tis a shame that Colton and Jesse are literal magnets for trouble and mayhem and Hanzo gets caught in the middle of it and has to save their dumbasses..again.
Relationships: Genji Shimada/Angela "Mercy" Ziegler, Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada/Original Character(s)
Series: Beans On A Hill [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1994350





	If you give a witch a werewolf

**(A/N: Lol there’s a giant spider in this so uh, yeah, arachnophobia warning I guess???)**

“I’m sorry, you invited  _ who  _ to celebrate Hallow’s eve-”

“Halloween.” 

Hanzo narrows his gaze at the taller man, whos’ beaming proudly, and takes an antagonizing long sip of his hot cider. Hanzo almost laughs when the man sputters, muttering _ ‘Caliente’  _ and  _ ‘mierda’  _ under his breath. 

“Colton-”

“Han,” Colton interrupts. “You kept talkin’ about inviting Genji to spend the holidays with us-”

“Yes but-”

“ _ Last year _ .” 

Hanzo stares. “So..?”

“You never invited him, so Jess’ and I invited him and his girlfriend-” A pause. “She’s his girlfriend, right?” 

Hanzo shrugs. “I have no clue.” 

Colton shakes his head. “I mean, c’mon. It could be fun! Genji told me about how much fun y’all had when you were kids during the holidays, so Jess’ an’ I-”

“ _ Jesse  _ thought of this?”

“It was a joint ef- _ FUCKING _ -!” Colton attempted to take another sip of apple cider, before spitting it onto the ground again, cursing under his breath, before wiping his mouth off. “It was both of our ideas. Besides, Jesse tells me that he and Genji used to  _ always  _ win the costume contests.” 

Hanzo shakes his head. 

“Are you sure Jesse wasn’t exaggerating?” 

“Pretty sure- _ JESUS _ -!”

Hanzo is unamused at this point, as Colton sputters out the hot cider onto the ground again. 

Hanzo pauses for a second. “Colton, have you seen Jesse?” 

Colton looks around. “Uh..he’s...around.”

“You  _ lost him _ -!”

“Hey now, Jesse’s a grown man, he can-”

The two pause, seeing Jesse come into view, a blob of pastel blue in his hands.

He’s grinning. 

Colton gasps. “Oh my god, we’re parents!” 

Jesse snickers. “Bessie! This here is Bessie!”

“Isn’t your hat named Bessie?” Hanzo remarks, gesturing to the remarkably large, stuffed dinosaur in his hands. 

Jesse thinks for a moment.

“Bessie Jr.!” He calls out, as Hanzo facepalms. 

_

The next place they go to is the hot cider stand, as Hanzo has challenged Colton, stating that he could drink the boiling hot cup is one go. Colton says that Hanzo would die in the process. Hanzo replies he’d rather die than back down. Colton threatens to call his brother, Hanzo doesn’t make jokes about dying for the rest of the afternoon. 

The three men walk down the aisles, Jesse happily observing the dinosaur; whom he has decided to name ‘Bessie Jr.’, instead of thinking of a different name. 

They come to the apple cider stand, and Jesse gaps at the line, as Colton yet again drinks the cider but spits it up, as it's still too hot to his liking. 

“Huh, stand looks popular.” Jesse pauses. “Thought it was the apple bobbing that was the most popular.”

“Jess’ that was years ago,” Colton remarks. “Well, c’mon, let’s get in line before it gets too long!” 

The three boys come to the back of the line, fidgeting as people get behind them in line. However, they don’t stand there for long, as it seems the line moves quickly.

“Huh, no wonder the place is so popular, the lines movin’ pretty fast.”

Hanzo raises an eyebrow. “Hn. It wasn’t before, Colton and I were in it when you went to go win Bessie Jr. and we were in line for almost ten minutes.” 

“Maybe they called in more workers? It is 1 o’clock, people are havin’ lunch by now. Probably started gettin’ more popular.” 

Hanzo simply nods his head, as the three come to the stand. 

The woman there, with fishnets leading up her arms and to her wrists, and with bright purple, curly hair turns to them smiling. 

“Ah, you two again-” The woman pauses, turning to Jesse. “Aw, you brought a friend!” 

Colton smiles. “Uh..two small apple ciders and..a dozen apple fritters?” 

Jesse and Hanzo nod, as the purple-haired woman smiles, ringing up their order. She barks something at the brunette girl in the back, who hastily grabs a cup. 

Hanzo raises an eyebrow, as she looks directly at the group, grabs a sharpie, and scribbles something onto the cup. 

_

After waiting for their drinks and fritters, the group decides to leave and go home, this time Jesse drives since Colton apparently wants to do the challenge in the car, despite knowing he’ll get cider all over the car. Colton simply doesn’t care, is what Hanzo decides. 

With Colton in the shotgun and Hanzo in the middle, Who too, keeps trying to take a sip of his apple cider, but hisses at the heat of the drink. 

“I told you it was too hot for you to handle-”

Hanzo looks Colton directly in the eyes, before he blows on the cup for a minute, and then proceeds to chug the whole thing. 

Jesse just laughs, as Colton crosses his arms and huffs, all in the while ignoring the grin Hanzo shoots him. 

Hanzo snatches Bessie Jr. from Jesse’s lap, who lets out a noise of confusion. Hanzo observes the large stuffed toy, before placing it gently in his lap.

“Han-”

“This is mine now.”

Jesse blinks. “Hey now-”

Hanzo looks at him, with what Colton assumes with his puppy eyes he often gives the two taller men. 

Jesse scoffs. “Nuh-uh, we’re sharin’ Bessie Jr.” 

Hanzo clutches the dinosaur, as Colton takes a sip of his drink, and finally, doesn’t get burned by it. 

_

Colton sighs as the doors to the condo open, and Jesse falls onto the couch next to the island. “Home sweet home.” Jesse sighs. 

Colton turns to the clock. 

“Ha! Just in time, Han’, you can pick up Genji and..what was her name..Angela at the airport at 6 right?”

Hanzo pauses. “What?”

“You can do that, right?”

Hanzo stares. 

Colton smiles. 

Hanzo sighs. 

“I..suppose so.” A pause. “It will be incredibly awkward.” 

Jesse shakes his head. “Only if you make it, Hanners.” A pause. “You wanna do this? I can easily go-”

“No, I will be fine,” A pause from Hanzo this time. “It's ‘about time’ that I tried to figure out how to approach my brother.” 

  
  


_

Six o’clock comes faster than Hanzo would’ve liked, he notices it's five-thirty when he’s placing plastic candles inside of the pumpkins he and the boys had just finished carving. 

Colton is currently on the ladder above him, untangling the ‘spider web’ so he can hang it at the top of the door. Colton curses as his leather jacket gets tangled in the web. He quickly takes the jacket off, and Hanzo ignores the bandages wrapped around his right forearm. Not that he hasn’t seen that before, Colton wears the bandage to cover the bite all the time, due to...recent events. Colton wears the bandages almost all the time, only taking it off when he knows he’ll be in a private place. 

Hanzo flicks the light on for another candle, places it in the pumpkin, afterward, getting up, and wiping his pants off with his hands.

“I’m going to the airport to retrieve Genji and Angela!” He calls out, entering the house, and grabbing the keys to Colton’s (deemed Jesse’s at this point) pickup truck. Hanzo climbs into the truck as Colton gives him a wave from the ladder, and Hanzo almost laughs at the small habit that Colton has picked up from him coming forward, as the raven-haired man sticks his tongue out, trying to figure out the spiderweb situation.

Jesse peeks his head out of the house and gives him a cheerful wave. Hanzo waves back at them, before turning to the cup holder, and raises an eyebrow.

The car starts, and Hanzo grabs the cups. “Jesse! Can you take these please?”

Jesse turns to him, about to enter the condo again, before he recognizes the cups in Hanzo’s hands. Jesse comes over and grabs the cups. Before placing a small peck on Hanzo’s lips.

“For good luck.” He says with a small wink, before stepping back from the car and asking Colton a question that Hanzo doesn’t hear, due to it being drowned out by the car’s engine.

Hanzo buckles himself in, before pulling out of the parking lot and heading on his way. 

Jesse and Colton watch him leave. Before Jesse grins.

“ _ Now  _ can we make the pie?”

“‘Course we can.” Colton immediately untangles the spider web and hangs it on the door. “Was waitin’ for him to leave, he’s gonna love it!”

“Ha! He’ll probably say somethin’ like-” Jesse straightens up, and shuffles the cups in his grasp into one hand, before taking his other, freehand, and grabbing his hair, bunching it together in a low ponytail. “You did this for me? You shouldn’t have! I shall now buy you two so much candy!”

Colton laughs as Jesse drops his hair, and turns to the cups in his hand. Jesse picks up one and shakes it, eyes widening as he hears swashing inside one of the cups. Jesse takes the empty cup and tosses it into the trash. “He wouldn’t say that.” 

The conversation is dropped, as Colton quickly hangs the spider web, climbs down from the ladder, and the two enter the house.

“Hey, this one still got cider in it-” He pauses. “That’s cause it’s my...cup…?” 

Colton raises an eyebrow, as Jesse exams the cup. 

“It's still hot like I just got it from the stand.”

Colton shrugs. “ _ My  _ truck keeps the heat in pretty well, maybe you left the heat on by accident?”

Jesse shakes his head. “Nah, I would’ve noticed.” 

Jesse takes a sip of the cider, before spitting it out. “Jesus! That’s  _ hot _ -!” 

Colton shakes his head. “Maybe you should put it in the fridge while we’re makin’ the pie for Han’?”

Jesse nods. “Alright.”

_

Flour, eggshells, and cans of pumpkin puree littering the countertops. Jesse shoves the pie into the oven, brushing his hands together, and sighing as flour drifts off of them and onto the floor. 

Colton leans against the counter, smiling.

“That pie is gonna be the best damn pie, Han’s gonna have.” 

Jesse smiles slightly, taking the apron off and laying it on the counter next to the stove. “Want a drink?”

“Sure, uh..cream ale? If there’s any?” Colton gestures to the fridge. 

Jesse opens the fridge, taking the green and grey can out of the fridge. Colton pops it open, as Jesse shuffles through the fridge. 

“Hey, I forgot all ‘bout my cider.” He says, grabbing the cup. “Think I could drink it cold?”

Colton shrugs, taking a sip of his beer before he and Jesse click their drinks together. 

Colton takes a sip of his drink, but as Jesse takes a sip as well, he shouts, as the cider falls to the floor, the lid snapping off and the contents spilling all over the wooden floor. 

“The ‘ell-!” Colton rushes over as Jesse rushes to the sink, cold water turned on. 

“What happened?” 

“Still hot! Hell, boiling!” Jesse replies, before sticking his tongue back under the cold water. 

Colton raises an eyebrow, turning to the cup. 

He crouches down, picking the plastic cup up and turning it about. Before gasping. 

“Shit!” Colton cries. He grabs the cup, and quickly runs towards the front door, chucking it outside and into the forest. 

Jesse flashes him a look. 

“Witches! They drew a travel sigil on the cup!” Colton pauses, hearing bubbling behind him. 

The cider on the floor bubbles below the two, as Colton grabs Jesse’s arm and pulls him over, body blocking the brunette. 

Colton looks around. Quickly grabbing the broom leaning against the door, keeping it poised at the liquid, 

The liquid spreads, and the two slowly back towards the open door. 

Jesse hisses, poking at his burned tongue. 

However, the bubbling soon stops, yet Colton’s shoulders don’t relax. 

Colton looks through the still open door, hearing giggling behind him. From the shadows of the forest reveal three women clad in black and red. 

The woman with purple hair from the apple cider stand grins, gesturing a finger directly at him.

“Oh boy, we gotta go now!” 

Colton slams the front door shut, securing the locks in place. He hears shuffling behind him as the sliding door on the other side of the condo near the living room is opened, revealing two more witches, also clad in black and red. 

Colton sees Jesse fumbling with a paper towel. Colton grabs Jesse’s hand, pulling him up the stairs, however, the two are cut off as a large shadow lumbers over the hallway walls. 

Colton almost falls down the stairs, as a large, no,  _ giant  _ spider crawls towards the two, spitting and growling. 

Colton steps back, but this time, tumbles down the stairs, taking Jesse with him. Before Colton can get up, vines wrap around his ankle, dragging him over to the small group of witches in the living room. Colton yelps as it flips him and Jesse upside down. 

“Evening boys.” The purple-haired witch says, chuckling. She looks at the two and groans. “Which one was the werewolf again? I can’t tell, they’re both hairy.”

“Hey-!” 

A brunette witch gestures to Colton. “Oh.” The purple-haired woman points her finger towards a few of the small jack o' lanterns resting on the counter. 

Colton, still hanging upside down is taken to the living room, while Jesse is dropped in front of them not only  _ growing _ but  _ moving  _ jack o' lanterns. Jesse’s eyes widen. 

The witch turns to Colton. 

“What do you want with us!” Colton asks, silently hoping Hanzo would show his face at that exact moment. 

“Werewolves blood,” The purple-haired witch replies. “It helps people like... _ us _ ...ward away ghosts, and demons...as well as...other unsavory things.” 

Colton glares. 

“And besides, if we get rid of you people... _ our  _ people could finally roam on nights like these again.” 

Colton turns to Jesse, whose limbs are being wrapped with vines from the jack o' lanterns. 

“Oh? Don’t worry about the other one. He will see you on the...other side...as you call it.” The witch chuckles. 

_

  
  


“Hanzo, can we  _ please  _ turn ghostbusters off?”

Hanzo sighs. “I cannot remember how to change it.” He finally admits. 

Genji shakes his head. “Hanzo, it’s been playing for half an hour.” A pause. “ _ On loop _ !” 

Angela chuckles next to Genji. “I quite like having to hear this song, it reminds me of when I was a little girl.” 

Genji groans, leaning back in his seat in the middle of the two. 

“Are we there yet?”

“Almost,” Hanzo says. “We should be just coming up on it.” 

Hanzo turns a corner, coming to the condos. 

“East lofts...Hearth, Heart, Soul,” Genji smiles. “Cheesy.” 

Hanzo pulls into the parking lot and sighs.

“Well, they seemed to have finished decorating.” He mutters, fishing for his keys within his various pockets. Once he finds them, he unlocks the door and opens it.

“Jesse, Colton, we’re-” 

Hanzo blinks as the room freezes. Hanzo sees Jesse halfway devoured by a large jack o' lantern, while Colton is hanging upside down, and looking rather disheveled. 

Hanzo groans. 

“Hold my coat.” He says to Genji when he takes the coat off without hearing an explanation from his brother. 

“Let-”

“ _ DRAGON _ !” The witches cry. 

Hanzo stares as Colton is dropped, and falls with a thump onto the floor. And Jesse is spat out by the jack o’ lantern. The witches scatter about the house, eventually, most of them turning into small animals, or disappearing into puffs of smoke. 

Hanzo is silent. 

“Can I leave you two alone...for  _ FIVE MINUTES _ ?!” 

“No.” Colton groans.

“Naw.” Jesse musters out, as he pokes his tongue. 

_

“Hey, at least the pumpkin pie didn’t catch on fire,” Colton says about half an hour later when they’ve cleaned themselves, and the house up. 

However, as he pulls the pie from the oven, he finds that the pie crust is all black and dark brown, the pie filling no different. Colton scoffs, turning to Angela and Genji.

  
  


“Uh, hi,” Colton says after a round of awkward silence. 

He shrieks as the pie lights on fire. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Lol this was dumb, anyways, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!


End file.
